SIGN: Stephen Baldwin threatens to move to Canada if Obama wins.
WHY THAT’S A SIGN: Emotionally frazzled from quadrennial Baldwin-presidential-departure threats, America gives up and puts all future Presidential elections in the hands of the Baldwin brothers. Alec, Daniel, and Billy demur, saying they’re too busy with acting gigs.
WHAT TO EXPECT: Mad with power, born-again Christian Stephen calls Jesus down to annihilate a world that would let him be fired on Celebrity Apprentice. Donald Trump is first to perish, in flames “so elegant, they have incinerated princes and sultans.”
WHY THAT’S GREAT NEWS: Stephen, Kirk Cameron and Gary Busey all Raptured and set to star in new show The Surreal Afterlife.